Monday, July 26, 2010

~ Monday July 24th 2010 ~

~ I couldn't think of title for today, so thought the date would work okay. I'm not sure what I'm feeling lately. I guess a little bit of every emotion, so it's coming out pretty confusing.

~ I'm anxious and NERVOUS to start school in about five weeks. I know a HUGE part of it is because of not doing the Summer work that I have to get done yet. I have started my review of last year, and I'm feeling like I don't really remember a lot of what I should definitely KNOW!! That doesn't help much. I think that I'm feeling like I'm not remembering it because that is how I'm letting myself feel about it, not that I really don't remember or know the information. Sure, there is a lot of data that to cover, but I did it already, and I did good on it all. I had between a 88-95 average last year. I'm very happy with my grades, sure some could have been better, but that was the times that I should have worked harder or studied more, but I know that. The times I worked my butt off, put in the time and did what I had to do, I did great. There were lots of 100's and high 90's, and I was extremely proud of myself. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm doubting my ability to continue with this nursing course and become an LPN. I'm scared shitless to put it quite honestly. I'm scared I won't remember enough or anything from last year, I'm scared that I'm not going to have a clue what to do when school starts. I'm nervous about what I will do with my children when I have to be in school for so many more hours this coming semester compared to last year, I'm scared that I won't do well academically, I'm scared I won't be able to get it together and do well in clinical and that I won't be able to figure out my nursing packets, I'm scared I won't even make it to the boards, let alone pass them. UGH!! I'm a wreck!!

Next year is so grueling. But, I have to try to keep my head high and know that I can do it, that I will succeed. That I have made it this far, all on my own, that I have worked to get to where I am, and because of that drive, I can do anything that I set my mind to!! I have to some how regain my confidence. I have to get my butt in gear, get to my books, read, study, write and do what I have to do to get to feeling like "I can, and I will do this!!" I have NO other choice. None! Failure is NOT an option for me.

I guess I just needed a moment to vent, and give myself a pep talk to get in the right mind set or close to the right mind set to get going on summer work and feel like I can go into class in September and DO THIS!!!

I hope this worked. I'm off to start some laundry and then work on some school work. There are some other emotions behind all these feelings, but I think I'll save them for another post... while I'm feeling semi-motivated, I should go with it.

ahhhhhh.... loving my life, just a little scared to live it!!


  1. Jenn. You have come this far, and done so well, there is no need for doubt. I know we all have our moments, so let this one go, and focus on how great you are going to do, and not on worrying about forgetting things. I am sure once you are back in that environment, it will all come flooding back. You will do awesome!

  2. thank you and i love you and i hope you are right. i'm really having the hardest time dealing with everything lately. thinking about school could almost bring me to tears. :( and that isn't usually me. i'm trying to get my butt in gear and be stern with myself... knowing that failure isn't an option and that I will do this. i can do it. and there is NOTHING that will stand in my way... especially not my ownself!!!

    thanks for always believing in me and supporting me!! xoxoxo