~ I feel like I have a tilt-a-whirl in my stomach. It's the feeling I have had for a few weeks now, or maybe it's been a few months. I try not to think about it or let it "really" exist, so most of the time I ignore it. But lately it's getting more persistent. Faster, harder and affecting more than just my stomach. My hands are shaky. My patients are shot. I have almost a constant headache or at least a dull ache in my head most of the time. It takes me longer to fall asleep then ever in my entire life.
I kept trying to ignore this feeling, hoping it would just go away. It hasn't, like I said, it's worse. So, as of yesterday I tried something different. I tried to attack it by doing some of the things on my LONG and DAUNTING "to do" list. Yesterday I didn't feel that anxious. Yesterday was pretty good. I guess that I'm going to try it again today. I just don't know where to begin. Well that is not entirely true, I know there are a few places that I could begin, and just beginning at all would be good, so no matter where I start, at least it will be a start!
Wondering why in the world my body is reacting in such a manor lately has me even more on edge. I know I have said that I've felt anxious before, or nervous, or stressing, but honestly I had NO clue what these feelings were till they have a FULL FORCE attack on my body! I just hope I can stand strong and not let them get the best of me... trying to counter act bastards is hard, I'd like to stay in bed sleeping all day instead.
Showing posts with label nerves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nerves. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
~ Monday July 24th 2010 ~
~ I couldn't think of title for today, so thought the date would work okay. I'm not sure what I'm feeling lately. I guess a little bit of every emotion, so it's coming out pretty confusing.
~ I'm anxious and NERVOUS to start school in about five weeks. I know a HUGE part of it is because of not doing the Summer work that I have to get done yet. I have started my review of last year, and I'm feeling like I don't really remember a lot of what I should definitely KNOW!! That doesn't help much. I think that I'm feeling like I'm not remembering it because that is how I'm letting myself feel about it, not that I really don't remember or know the information. Sure, there is a lot of data that to cover, but I did it already, and I did good on it all. I had between a 88-95 average last year. I'm very happy with my grades, sure some could have been better, but that was the times that I should have worked harder or studied more, but I know that. The times I worked my butt off, put in the time and did what I had to do, I did great. There were lots of 100's and high 90's, and I was extremely proud of myself. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm doubting my ability to continue with this nursing course and become an LPN. I'm scared shitless to put it quite honestly. I'm scared I won't remember enough or anything from last year, I'm scared that I'm not going to have a clue what to do when school starts. I'm nervous about what I will do with my children when I have to be in school for so many more hours this coming semester compared to last year, I'm scared that I won't do well academically, I'm scared I won't be able to get it together and do well in clinical and that I won't be able to figure out my nursing packets, I'm scared I won't even make it to the boards, let alone pass them. UGH!! I'm a wreck!!
Next year is so grueling. But, I have to try to keep my head high and know that I can do it, that I will succeed. That I have made it this far, all on my own, that I have worked to get to where I am, and because of that drive, I can do anything that I set my mind to!! I have to some how regain my confidence. I have to get my butt in gear, get to my books, read, study, write and do what I have to do to get to feeling like "I can, and I will do this!!" I have NO other choice. None! Failure is NOT an option for me.
I guess I just needed a moment to vent, and give myself a pep talk to get in the right mind set or close to the right mind set to get going on summer work and feel like I can go into class in September and DO THIS!!!
I hope this worked. I'm off to start some laundry and then work on some school work. There are some other emotions behind all these feelings, but I think I'll save them for another post... while I'm feeling semi-motivated, I should go with it.
ahhhhhh.... loving my life, just a little scared to live it!!
~ I'm anxious and NERVOUS to start school in about five weeks. I know a HUGE part of it is because of not doing the Summer work that I have to get done yet. I have started my review of last year, and I'm feeling like I don't really remember a lot of what I should definitely KNOW!! That doesn't help much. I think that I'm feeling like I'm not remembering it because that is how I'm letting myself feel about it, not that I really don't remember or know the information. Sure, there is a lot of data that to cover, but I did it already, and I did good on it all. I had between a 88-95 average last year. I'm very happy with my grades, sure some could have been better, but that was the times that I should have worked harder or studied more, but I know that. The times I worked my butt off, put in the time and did what I had to do, I did great. There were lots of 100's and high 90's, and I was extremely proud of myself. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm doubting my ability to continue with this nursing course and become an LPN. I'm scared shitless to put it quite honestly. I'm scared I won't remember enough or anything from last year, I'm scared that I'm not going to have a clue what to do when school starts. I'm nervous about what I will do with my children when I have to be in school for so many more hours this coming semester compared to last year, I'm scared that I won't do well academically, I'm scared I won't be able to get it together and do well in clinical and that I won't be able to figure out my nursing packets, I'm scared I won't even make it to the boards, let alone pass them. UGH!! I'm a wreck!!
Next year is so grueling. But, I have to try to keep my head high and know that I can do it, that I will succeed. That I have made it this far, all on my own, that I have worked to get to where I am, and because of that drive, I can do anything that I set my mind to!! I have to some how regain my confidence. I have to get my butt in gear, get to my books, read, study, write and do what I have to do to get to feeling like "I can, and I will do this!!" I have NO other choice. None! Failure is NOT an option for me.
I guess I just needed a moment to vent, and give myself a pep talk to get in the right mind set or close to the right mind set to get going on summer work and feel like I can go into class in September and DO THIS!!!
I hope this worked. I'm off to start some laundry and then work on some school work. There are some other emotions behind all these feelings, but I think I'll save them for another post... while I'm feeling semi-motivated, I should go with it.
ahhhhhh.... loving my life, just a little scared to live it!!
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